“We’re having a SALE every day of the year! (Because our products really aren’t that great.)”

“Toe-curling brussel sprouts!  They’re that good!”

“Help Wanted: Couch potato that’s waiting for a handout.”

“This TV will probably go haywire in 14 months, but Wow it’s got a good picture!”

“This car is small, crampy, gutless, and ugly…but at least it’s cheap.”

“Yes, our head chef did some time in the slammer, but his pot roast is like it came from heaven.”

“Our lawn fertilizer is way better than cow poop.”

“Say no to crack…our plumbers do.”

“Our bathrooms are cleaner than the gas station down the street.”

Feel free to leave a comment with your own awesome headline. 

Have a groovy day!